You're my little dorito
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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