Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
