I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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