"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
this just has baby written all over it
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
