even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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