This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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