Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
