she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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