I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
