a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
