I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
