Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
