But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
