I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
