i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
