This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
