this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
