I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
