We're like a lot better than the average bears
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
