Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
