4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Randomize
