I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
