i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
