why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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