I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
