I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
