love makes seman taste better
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
