Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
