worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
only you would photoshop your dick
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
