capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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