uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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