we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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