i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
