Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
