Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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