She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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