Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
how drunk are you?
Several
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
