i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
