if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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