Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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