capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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