You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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