btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
