I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
