your room smells of hookers.
And success
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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