we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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