woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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