Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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