I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
