dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
